Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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