You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
