I have demons in me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
