You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
