Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
