Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
