Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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