I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
