just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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