When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
