he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
