One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
