wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
