nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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