thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
