I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
