when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
