I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
