I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ok first of all what the fuck
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
