Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
