Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
