so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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