whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I faked an abortion last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
