i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
