I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
