My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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