dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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