you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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