you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
