my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
