EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
