She went from zero to smokin in five shots
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
