Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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