yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
