he puts the penis in happiness.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
