i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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