i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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