that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
