definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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