To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
