Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
