btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
