she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
