You're so nebulous sometimes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
