Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
