i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he thought i was a dude.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
