How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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