Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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