dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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