So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
