my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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