Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
