WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
