i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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